I cockslap morals
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
