I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
