I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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