OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
