the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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