doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
