never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
