i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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