Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
