watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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