My friends, they love my intelligence
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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