and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize