Have you finally orgasmed yet?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
