i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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