so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
