If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
