drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
