Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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