you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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