so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
