White coat. Heels.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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