Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize