She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
