She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
you made out with another girl for some wings
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
