dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
