when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
