I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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