What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
