So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
