I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
