the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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