my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
