do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
