I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
