Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
