Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Success! We fucked roommates!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
