i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
two words...techno handjob
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
