If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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