Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
