just come out here and I will go home with you...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize