Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize