Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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