Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
