I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
