you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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