i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
