you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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