Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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