dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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