dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
