we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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