Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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