Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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