your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
