Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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