Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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