we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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