If i come over, it means nothing
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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