All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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