His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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