I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
