I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize