His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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