I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
