you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
